Ever walk down the street and think to yourself, “WOW!!!! This idiot REALLY sucks at life.”? Or, better yet, say it out loud? At a very minimum, we encounter people with impoverished life skills at least 300,000 times a day. Idiocy is everywhere and cannot be avoided. It’s in the workplace, the morning commute, happy hour, sometimes even in our dreams. Doesn’t it suck when you cannot escape daily stupidity even when you’re sleeping? I think it’s about time we started pointing the finger back at those who can certainly stand to improve their lot on this planet.
Perhaps the most pervasive example of rampant moronity is on reality television. As we all know, reality TV is the most insipid and inane form of entertainment available. And I’m talking housewives, Kardashians and Dance Moms low. I always thought a housewife cooked, cleaned, maybe worked outside the home while still struggling to raise a family. I also always
thought fame was achieved through hard work and determination. Not these days. The spotlight is cast on you if you’re lucky enough to have a lucrative last name or you have some uncanny ability to toss around glitzy drama. Sorry people, I cannot be on board with the whole “rich white people with problems” motif. These “stars” are so out of touch with ACTUAL reality that they suck at life. Even suckier, it’s splayed out for a national audience to see. SUCKAGE!
EXTREME CHAMPOINSHIP SUCK ALERT!!! If you “star” in a reality series that does not go beyond five episodes, it’s obvious you have no place on television.
A small step above the aforementioned mirth is the reality competition shows. I, for one, actually really enjoy “Dancing With the Stars.” It’s interesting to see some old familiar names and faces. But we all know who infiltrates these programs – the C-list. If you’re on a show like this or “Celebrity Apprentice” and you’re fired in Week 1, you suck at life.
If you are a commentator on World’s Dumbest Criminals, you’ve achieved a new level of suck that not even Richard Hatch has achieved. Tonya Harding? Come on!!! You’re not even a comedian and you’re no funnier on this show. Just…SUCK!!!!
A brief list of people who also suck at life include cell phone driver talkers, slow walking (or completely stopped) sidewalk hoggers, entrance blocking assholes, and George W. Bush.
There is a special place in suck hell for stroller parents. You SSSSUUUUCCCCKKKK with a capital SSSSUUUUCCCCKKKK!!!! I’m not talking about the two who exist that are actually considerate of the world around them. I’m talking about the “world owes me a favor” type. You are not the Queen of Sheba just because you decide to strap your “special bundle” of screaming flesh into a sidewalk stealing tank. Entire sections of town should not be blocked off
when your baby needs a new designer diaper. Restaurant staff should not have to ask their customers to accommodate your jet liner baby carrier because you want to overtake a nine-person table with just you and your sorry sack of germ spewing spawn. Put your thing in one of those baby carrying knapsacks and treat it like the accessory that it is.
I think it’s now time for the Real Housewives…
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