Celebrity interviews

Want to see Heide Klum model the infamous billion dollar Victoria's Secret diamond studded bra and panties? Want to see supermodels win tens of dollars on "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?" Want to see the latest in dental floss undergarments? Well, watch TV, because this week, we take to the streets and caught up with today’s biggest stars. Get ready for the Fag’s take on….Fashion Week!!!!

You may know, as I didn’t know, that Daniel Radcliffe is the star of “Beatrix Potter,” this week’s biggest movie hit. When we saw him, we had no choice but to have a hard hitting Q&A with the newest child prodigy.

Fag: “So your movie is a huge hit. We can imagine you’re rolling in money. So why do you look like such a nerd?”

DR: “Being geeky is stylish. Besides, who cares when you have so much cash?”

Fag: “We cared enough to interview you because playing the dufus is SO not in, and it is our goal to make sure Mental readers know exactly why shelling out money to foster an unfashionable cause is the Un-American thing to do.”

DR: “So what’s your question?”

Fag: “I don’t have any…but when all eight people read this week’s Mailbox, they’ll be more informed than your Hollywood drones…and do yourself a favor, lose the Coke bottles.”

After that stressing ordeal, we found Tara “I’m the latest victim of the Bimbonic Plague” Reid in front of the MTV Building wearing on-again-off-again airbrush toy Carson Daly. ‘Nuff said.

For a more pleasurable experience, we met up with the always dazzling Jewel at the Hammerstein Ballroom, where she was honored at the Do Something Awards this past weekend:

Fag: “Jewel, congrats on your award, but more importantly, on looking fabulous. Your outfit is simple yet stunning. Would you describe your outfit for us tonight?”

Jewel: “A black shirt with matching pants. Are you REALLY that dumb?”

Fag: “Absolutely. Speaking of dumb, what is this thing hanging on your arm that looks like he just got done shooting a not-so-cowboy-chic Madonna video?”

Jewel: “Oh my boyfriend? Well not really, I just keep him around to look even better.”

Fag: “Honey please, you know you don’t need HIM to look great. What is your secret to beauty without spending thousands of dollars?”

Jewel: “In Alaska we didn’t have the luxury of the Crap, DKNY, or CK. However, some of us were fortunate enough not to have to adorn ourselves in blubber coats or tusk trinkets. The Eskimo Lounge in Anchorage always had the best in vintage wear.”

Fag: “What kind of styles did that store sport?”

Jewel: “Black shirts with matching pants. Are you REALLY that dumb?”

Fag: “Hey lady, I’m dumber than I look. I resemble that remark.”

We tried to catch some closing comments but since they were uttered in the Alaskan dialect of Alaskan, the ants did not, and still do not, comprehend.

There you have it kids, the good, the flaky, and the ugly. What have we learned this week aside from absolutely nothing? You don’t need to shop in high-ticket boutiques in midtown to be beautiful. You don’t need to spend hundreds of dollars to achieve fashion. You don’t have to be rich to rule my world. You don’t have to watch Dynasty to have an attitude….