I came to New York City in the late 70's from Detriot.....with $37 in my pocket....and I asked the cab driver to drop me off in the middle of everything....and there I am in Times Square.....OOPS!!!! This story is already taken....but hell, originality never made for good TV anyways....
Having an ultra-hot boyfriend [hi Mark :)] is a wonderful thing....sharing traveling expeditions with said ultra-hot boyfriend is even better.....but nothing beats having two great creative minds converge to craft [ever so carefully] an experience worthy of composition...
One fan of my conversation pieces once told me, "I'm really a big fan of your conversation pieces." Without further "hablando mierda" [Espanol for "talking shit"], the stage is set as follows...
We have, of course, me, who I'll refer to, in classic fashion, and with too many commas in this damned sentence, as FaG....Mark will simply be M [in the interest of fairness], and you'll NEVER believe this one, a bitter complaint-laden crack-ho who will be penned Chris van Dyke [the flavour here being Chris for the unisex name, and van DYKE for obvious reasons], and this will be shortened to CVD to make it sound like some technological doo-hickey....
Just when you're shuddering in utter disbelief that we stumbled upon a character such as CVD, [actually, M and I were unlucky enough to have it stumble upon us], the incredulity continues as I announce we were in a.....GAY BAR AAAAUUUUUUGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!
Admittedlty, Baltimore has little more to offer than a beautiful harbour/aquarium, and the smell of Smarties in the air on a Friday night....however this was a Sunday night, so no smell was to be found, and we had returned from an earlier sojourn to DC, so no harbour was in the cards...do the math.....
M and I are having good times....good drinks....good chat....as CVD comes our way....plops its drink on our table....let the wonder begin....
CVD: "Can I put my drink here?"
FaG: "Sure." [returning attention to M]
CVD: "Where are we? Is this a homosexual bar" [Is THIS a fucking fruit shake or what?!?!?! M snickers in my general direction]
Fag: "Yea....this is
CVD is on his cell phone, screaming into it as to indicate frustration....
Fag: "Ya know, you can go outside, it would be a lot easier....the admission is free and you can come back in."
CVD: "Yea but I'm lazy....I'm trying to figure out what this drink is, I can't even tell what it is and it sucks....here....try this...."
Fag: [drinking aforementioned drink] "This is pretty good, tho I can't nail what it is."
CVD: "Well I'm from
CVD goes off for a mini stroll as M and I babble over what had transpired. The concensus is rather clear that this person is a freaking FLAKE, one that even Head and Shoulders cannot kill...alas, he returns.....
CVD: "I can't believe this....none of my friends know where this forsaken place is....this drink is terrible and I still don't know what it is....I can't stand this music and these people."
If thoughts were words, mine would read "Guess WHAT Sparky?!?!....you're no freaking prize either..."
FaG: "Hmph."
CVD: "I can't stand the noise here. Is there somewhere that there's not so much noise?"
M: "Yup."
Fag: "Yea, there are stairs right behind you."
CVD: "Shit, I didn't see those....I must be really stupid."
M: "Yup."
CVD shoots M a look, and as I didn't hear the last CVD statement, I wondered why the look was given, until I'm filled in afterwards...
CVD: "Ok well have a good night."
FaG: "Have an excellent evening....it's been your pleasure."
And with that, CVD steals off into the background staircase, leaving M and I where we started...having good drinks, good times...and even better, no evening of ours was ruined by a psychic vampire seeking attention and sympathy....
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