What I REALLY want for XXXMAS

Once a year, a low-fashion fat fuck becomes the epitome of the Hallmark season. Per the media standard, there are weeks and weeks of buildup, right before the very moment where everything goes EXPLODEE!!!!!!! Immediately after the nova, we return to not caring about everything that went down the month before. No, this isn't a tasteless soap opera sex-with-the-ex scenario, but I slap my own personal guarantee [right along with my creamy thighs] that this is even less entertaining and relevant than the Rockefeller Center Tree.

Holiday enthusiasts and bah-humbug misfits alike never really wonder about the dynamics that make this special time so extraordinary. There's more "going through the motions" than anything else - shopping, standing in obscenely long lines, wrapping and bagging gifts [dreadfully, at that], presenting them to "loved ones" over dinner or a party or some such function, feigning excitement at yet another green bean casserole, cleaning up, and thanking gawd it's over. Now that it's "over," this is an excellent time to reflect on what makes that one day so vibrant and exciting.

Most people were raised to believe that Mass, gift exchange, and family gathering [usually in that order] are the staples of this annual celebration. This could not be further from the truth. Nobody pays attention to Mass because that's pre-gift, hence an unimportant time filler that fails to drive the media meaning home - the crystal clear line between orthodox and secular becomes fuzzy, and that is absolutely NOT allowed. Then it's time for the REAL merriment - young and old alike assemble around the big ol' pine tree, be it real or fake [I myself prefer all things fake], surrounded by the material speculations that are soon to become reality. Anxiety runs high as those in authority prolong the torture with horrid tunes, anecdotes of years past, and equally lame goings-on that only add unnecessary stress and heartache. "GODDAMMITT SHUT UP I WANT MY SHIT ALREADY" becomes the unspoken mantra of mindless drones ready to partake of the REAL joy of the holiday. At long last, people discover the horror of revelation - yet another red turtleneck matches a contrived smile for a photo opportunity. Anticlimactic as it is, the day wares on. The spirit is crushed with shitty gifts, we no longer care about anything else going on. When do we say "ENOUGH ALREADY" and have the balls to break free from the mundane occasions that have been the trepidation of our lives all these years?

Breaking from tradition has never been an easy task. Imagine the heartbreak to transpire when the announcement is made, "Ok, this bullshit has got to stop, may we PLEASE do SOMETHING aside from the same ol' shit year after year to make this at least somewhat meaningful?" Gasps of horror and shock permeate the studio audience, but the stand is made and initiative is taken. Surely, excommunication from future family gatherings is a potential consequence, but the gain is worth the "loss."

So again the age-old query arises, "How is this done?" That may be simpler than originally anticipated. Consider your blessings - friends and real loved ones that actually care and wish to share the thrill. Gather with them instead...at least you'll get gifts you actually want. Traditional dismay is replaced with heightened pleasure and decreased fakety. However, one jamboree need not be the be-all-and-end-all - multiple goings on increase the chances of having an actual good time.

Now comes the difficult part - when all is completed, how can the heart remain alive...how can the fortitude stay intact? This is easier said than done - not every day is a gift-giving occasion designed to excite the senses. But keeping those we've cared about for many calendars is hardly a thorny complexity - just make sure you don't forget their birthdays.

Presently, we are embarking on the ringing in of yet another set of twelve months. Life may not change much...excessive imbibing of alcohol at and around the midnight hour, manufactured air kisses a la Hollywood premier parties, totally unattainable resolutions. Still, a spiritual epiphany may be realized. Not that months, even years, of intense introspection is needed, but it is harmless to recognize the meaning of our everyday...it's not impossible to care just as much, if not more, about those of consequence in our lives on March 3rd than on December 25th. Surely the holiday season carries a special connotation, and it's been a societal mainstay that we express love and joy then, but no one is a heathen for articulating their sentiment at any other time.

Past be damned....present be bliss...future be blessed....